Photo Gallery: Lonesome Creepy - Victoria at Night

My contentious relationship with the sun was established on a summer day in Kelowna, BC when I was four years old and overheated to the point of having a seizure.  My memory prior to the seizure is vague; we were at the now-shuttered Kelowna Grand Prix "family fun centre" and so all I recall is seeing a row of refrigerator-sized arcade games before the brown patterned carpet rushed up at me.  However, my post-seizure memory - waking up in hospital a tub of ice - is still vivid and I have spent my life since then avoiding the possibility of a repeat performance, and thus the sun, whenever possible.  You could say I'm a bit of a night owl.

While this means I'm useless at the beach and in the early morning, it does allow me to see a different side of the world around me, a perspective my Lonesome Creepy galleries are aimed at capturing.  In this particular batch of photos, I've decided to focus on one particular location - my home of Victoria, BC.  Seeing the city at night has given me a deeper appreciation for a place many people - myself included - dismiss as picturesque but bland.

Many, if not all, of the below photos have appeared on my Instagram feed, albeit in cropped form under the tag #yyjatnight. If you're on IG, please feel free to use that tag and show off your own view of night time in BC's capital.

Click here to find and follow me on Instagram.  

All photos taken with an iPhone 5s

Legs, Eggs, and TheBesty.com

Once upon a time this blog was devoted entirely to restaurant reviews and so, every now and again, I would opine at great length on the subject of eateries in the Victoria and Vancouver areas.  One such establishment was Paul’s Place Omelettery, a Vancouver breakfast spot I wrote about on June 21, 2010 seven short months after Largely the Truth went online.  In the four years since then, thoughts of the review had drifted completely away from the waking part of my mind into the unreachable ultraviolet range of consciousness where hides such apocrypha as “where I left my keys” and “every book I have ever read.”

Then, in May, nearing the end of a road trip spanning some 2800 miles and fifteen states, I awoke in my Hyannis, Massachusetts hotel to find I’d received an e-mail from TheBesty.com.  The Besty is a new site which encourages bloggers to create and share lists of the best restaurants in their cities and elsewhere.  In February I had contributed a list of Waikiki hotspots culled from a recent visit and something about my hodgepodge of pizza joints and ice cream parlors must have caught their eye, because the email I received on that Cape Cod morning advised me a video using material drawn from my review of Paul’s Place had gone online.

That video is embedded below.  Though it may not contain every Julianne Moore metaphor I have used, it certainly has my favorite.

Thanks to everyone at TheBesty.com for reading and supporting Largely the Truth! 

P.S – Though things have slowed down for me on the blogging front you can still find me on Twitter and, my newest obsession, Instagram:

A Little Wrestlemania is Good for the Soul

If you grew up in North America in the 80s you know damn well who this is

That I grew up spending my Saturday mornings watching WWF wrestling is not something I advertise.   It’s not that I’m ashamed of it – I suspect that a lot of guys (and gals) my age spent their Saturday mornings the same way – but the experience, or the knowledge gained from it, is not easily introducible to an adult conversation:

 “We’re expecting our first baby!  We are SO excited!”

“Oh my God that’s great!  This is like when Hulk Hogan bodyslammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 3!”

“I’m sorry?”

“I said, ‘Lovely!  When are you due?’”

“We really must be going.”

High praise indeed

Consequently, I am more likely to tell someone about the times in my life I have been accosted by shadowy paranormal entities than I am to describe my heartbreak at Hulk Hogan’s momentous Wrestlemania 6 loss to the Ultimate Warrior.

Welcome to my childhood

At this point it should come as no great surprise that I am not invited to many dinner parties.

Photo Gallery: Lonesome Creepy - Here, There and Everywhere

Surf Motel, Victoria

With Halloween fast approaching (and because I finally had ten pictures to put together) it's time for another Lonesome Creepy photo gallery, wherein you see the world from my point of view.   The locations presented here yo-yo from Victoria to Austin, Texas and back again, with one or two points in between.  As always, all photos have been taken with an iPhone 4S unless otherwise noted.

Once you're done, check out my post "A Strange Little Place" to catch up with the true ghost stories, authored by yours truly, currently running in the Revelstoke Current.

North on 19: Traffic and the Savage Sky

Reading is for suckers.  Click the video below to have the article read to you in my dulcet tones:

This weekend my wife and I drove up island to Campbell River to visit my mother.  We used to visit once every few months but since my stepfather’s passing in March we've made the trip - some 260km - more frequently.

We had planned to leave Friday afternoon at 2, which we thought would allow us to beat the inevitable after-work traffic jam that clogs up the westbound road out of Victoria and in no way indicates a need for commuter rail.  As it turned out, we were almost right – we had made it as far as the beginning of the Malahat highway, where traffic bottlenecks on a good day, to discover a construction crew busily increasing to three the number of lanes which have to frantically merge into one thirty feet later.  Traffic slowed to a standstill and we had plenty of time to reflect on how peaceful our up-island trips used to be when Via Rail was still running.

In my more optimistic moments I imagine a day when some kind of light rail service gives commuters in the GVRD a way to work that doesn’t involve sweltering on asphalt while a chopped Harley Davidson four feet away plays you the song of its people but such a utopia is unlikely.

Victoria would like to be thought of as a forward-thinking city and with all the tattooed yogis wandering around you’d almost fall for it – until, that is, someone makes a suggestion towards improving infrastructure in any meaningful way.  

Don't Call it a Comeback

Reading is for suckers.  Click "play" on the Largely the Truth logo below to have the article read to you in my dulcet tones:

It's been almost a year since my last post and you'd be forgiven for thinking I'd run out of steam. In fact there have been times in the last 9 months where I've thought that myself: thought I'd become one of those past-it types you see in coffee shops, the ones wearing skinny jeans and hoping no one notices they're twenty years older than the girl they're hitting on.

Then I snap back to reality and remember that since I never had "it" in the first place there's no way it can have passed me by. Sure, I spend a lot of time in coffee shops but only because there are fewer TVs there than in bars. I certainly don't use them as pickup joints - if I ever tried my lovely wife would tear a hole through the fabric of space and time and boil my testicles with her heat vision.

So where in the hell have I been? It's simple - last year I set two goals for myself: bench press 300 pounds and write a book. Not at the same time.  These goals, along with life and my first steady job after 4 years of temping, have eaten all the time I once devoted to making up dirty limericks about restaurants.

Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken | 5777 Trans Canada Highway, Duncan B.C.

This restaurant review is from 2011 and was originally published on "Hot, Fast, Dirty", a website I'd intended to be for 500-word-or-less reviews of independent and lesser-known fast food joints.  HFD has long since been closed and I've gradually been migrating the content to this site.  As with all my food writing, you'll be able to find this and other reviews on the Restaurant Review Index.

Update February 26, 2013:  This particular Lee's has closed it's doors.  A new location in Campbell River has sprung up although they no longer seem to make the spicy chicken wings I loved so much.

There is no hope for the chicken. The first nail in its tiny coffin is that it is a graceless, unlovely beast whose daily routine consists of wobbling around a farmyard looking like an owl gone to seed. Not having a majestic bone in it’s body, it is eaten even by those who refuse the flesh of wild game because once upon a misty morning they saw an elk silhouetted against the rising sun.

The second mark against poultry is that it is annoying. Admittedly, being nature’s alarm clock the deck is stacked against it but with a little effort the chickencould have overcome.  Instead it just dodders around making awful sounds and picking at the ground all day.  There are ugly animals, just like ugly people, whose natural charisma allows others to see past negative characteristics like a body made of spare parts (platypus) or a nose straight out of the magazines that stores keep behind the counter (Proboscis Monkey).  The chicken is not one of these animals.

The third and final strike? God made chickens delicious. This is the most damning trait possible for an animal with the defensive capabilities of a sofa.

Lee’s Famous Recipe Chicken is a chain with a number of locations in the American southeast and 2, somewhat incongruously, here on Vancouver Island.  Usually I opt for the 6 Piece Strip Meal ($10.99, includes a drink & 2 sides) and small buffalo chicken wings ($5.29 for 8 wings).

The strips are generous portions of all-white meat, offered in Famous or Crispy, of which Famous is my preferred choice, a slightly chewy and mildly spiced breading.  The fries are fast-food standard, thin and crisp but with nothing to set them apart.  The centerpiece of the 6 piece meal, or of any meal at Lee’s, is the gravy.  

The thick, peppery elixir is the river that drives Lee’s turbine and easily outmatches the gravy from competing outlets like Popeye’s, Church’s or the dreaded KFC.  The small container that comes with the meal is never enough and it’s so good that you can power right through the guilt that tries to stop you from buying a second round.

The other thing I adore about Lee’s is their commitment to serving up buffalo wings that you cannot eat in polite company.  When ordering wings at many places it’s common to get short-changed on the amount of sauce you get – not so with Lee’s Buffalo Wings.  On every visit they come covered in (literally) eye-watering amounts of hot sauce and are impossible to eat without looking like a two-year old tackling spaghetti for the first time.On occasion I’ve given into temptation and purchased the large order of wings  ($8.99) but this is ill-advised as your sinuses will go into full shutdown and you’ll have to power-wash the sauce from your fingers.

They're worth the trouble, though, and Lee's is a chicken joint worth coming back to.

Photo Gallery: Lonesome Creepy - The Midnight Special

For this edition of Lonesome Creepy I have a collection of night shots.  As with previous Lonesome Creepy posts the following photos were all taken with an iPhone 4 unless otherwise noted.

More Oral Magic: The 2012 Victoria Spoken Word Festival

No?  How about some poetry then?

After a successful inaugural run last year the Victoria Spoken Word Festival is back for more in 2012 and so, apparently, am I.  For the second year running I will be on-hand to comment on the festivities, bringing the magic of the Spoken Word Festival to the frail, housebound and triple-booked.  


Just like last year, tickets are cheap ($5-$10) so try to make it out to one of the events at either Cafe Solstice or the Intrepid Theatre, from Thursday to Friday night.  Click the first link below for scheduling information.


Post 1:  The 2012 Victoria Spoken Word Festival Begins!  - The philosophical barber, Fish Jesus & Floyd Jones
Post 2:  Tongues of Fire Instant Slam - Meltdowns, turkey love and a bearded snake
Post 3:  The Awesome Shit Showcase - Nostalgia, glitter & heartbreak.  Also bodily fluids
Post 4:  On the Edge, Into the Sunset - Saying goodbye with class (and a golden penis statue)

Photo Gallery: The Lonesome Creepy - Waiting

Of all the things that smartphones can do - help us cheat at pub trivia nights or avoid having to talk to strangers, for example - their greatest feature has to be the camera. Having a reasonably capable camera in your pocket at all times is useful when your friends and associates decide to do something blackmail-worthy or when, like me, you’re walking around at three in the morning and say, “That looks spooky.” Portability, and the fact that it does all the heavy lifting for you as far as settings are concerned, has allowed me to use my iPhone to capture images I never would have bothered with if I'd had to lug around a camera the size of Optimus Prime's lower 48. 

Breakfast in Victoria for $3.99

This isn't a review, it's a public service announcement.  The Fresko Cafe at 642 Yates Street, between Douglas & Broad, formerly the site of Great Cannon Pizza and several other unspeakably bad pizzerias, is offering a $3.99 ham, eggs, hashbrown & coffee breakfast special.  You read that right - $3.99 for a greasy spoon breakfast in the heart of the Garden City.


The Fresko is a small, low-budget affair but the food is perfectly serviceable and the menu extends beyond breakfast with hamburgers, omelettes ($5.99) and donairs, to name a few.  They're open until 3am on both Friday & Saturday night although you're not going to get late-night breakfast unless it's a slow night.


Check it out before it's gone.  Not that the special is a limited time offer but rather it's likely to soon be replaced by a condo, ladies-wear boutique or maybe a timeshare made out of fair-trade coffee beans.

Hot, Fast, Dirty: Fast Food is Good for the Soul

Come check out my new project - Hot, Fast, Dirty:  Fast Food is Good for the Soul - news and reviews from the independent fast food scene (with a few good words from the big boys thrown in).  

Largely the Truth will still be updated regularly but HFD offers a tighter focus in a shorter format - (all reviews are 500 words or less) so it will be a nice change of pace.  

I'm aiming for it to be a more collaborative effort as well, so if you've got passions for fast food, writing and humor then click through to HFD and let's talk.

So far places reviewed include some here in Victoria (La Fiesta Cafe) some from B.C.'s interior (Donut King - Kamloops) and some from the good ol' U.S of A (Donut Storr - Westminster, CA).

Follow Hot, Fast, Dirty on Twitter (@hotfastdirty)

The Moon Under Water Pub & Brewery | 350B Bay Street | Victoria

Update February 26, 2013:  The Moon Under Water is still open but under new management.  I haven't been in a year and a half so can't say how this has affected the quality of the food and beer.

There is no end of talk here in North America about the “English Pub Experience”.  We imagine quaint little buildings in the country where rumpled men in patched jackets talk about the weather, the footie, and make off-color jokes about their wives.   Where a barman with rolled-up sleeves serves pints of nameless “lager”, “ale” and “bitter” from great brass taps and sets them down on the dark, polished bar.  If a disagreement should arise it can be settled with a game of darts or, if absolutely necessary, a gentlemanly bout of fisticuffs outside after which the winner helps the loser to his feet and then buys him a drink.

Come in, have a laugh, get stabbed.

When I was living in England with Nicky the television liked to remind us that “country pubs” were closing at about the rate of one a day.  In the pubs that remain you are more likely to find teenagers in short skirts screeching football songs than you are anyone who wants to talk about the weather.  The barman is still there but he’s pouring out pints of Budweiser, Carling and Strongbow Cider to ratfaced men with wispy moustaches and the social graces of fire ants.  If he can be bothered to put down his mobile phone long enough to work the taps, that is.  Disagreements, if they arise, are settled with a knife in your back, or if absolutely necessary, a savage kicking outside by a group of hoodied jackals, one of whom will use his mobile phone to record the event for posterity. 

It makes me wonder where The Moon Under Water fits into all this - advertised as an “English-style” pub it doesn’t look or feel particularly English and the menu is caught somewhere between the Old & New Worlds.  It’s neither Coronation Street nor Clockwork Orange but the food is hearty and filling and their session ales are the best English beers I’ve tasted in the three years since coming home.

Fernwood Bites

...but in a good way

Bacon notwithstanding, I am no great fan of pork.  Maybe because my grandmother – God rest her soul –served us pork chops coated in that tasteless sawdust called Shake N Bake roughly three times a week while growing up.   Or maybe because I have heard a number of my friends and acquaintances who work in emergency services compare the smell of cooked human flesh to that of pork.  It could also be that pork does not digest as easily as other meats, that cannibals refer to human flesh as “long pig” or that I have seen Babe:  Pig in the City 12 times.  Whatever the reason, I spend sleepless nights staring at the ceiling of my bedroom thinking, “I don’t understand what they’ve got against foreskins but I think the Hebrews might be right with this ‘pigs’ thing.”

Considering all this, most of the pork options available at Fernwood Bites, Fernwood’s second-annual celebration of local artisan cuisine, were of little interest to me.  The lone exception was the Cuban-style pork with orange cilantro aioli being offered by The Little Piggy.  It had a wonderful orange zest with a prominent but not overpowering heat.  Though other items on offer caught my eye I have to say that this was my favourite.  It was so good that even Yahweh might sneak a bite while his wife’s back is turned.

Under the Sea We Off the Hook, or Why I Want to be a Hermit Crab

We got no troubles / life is the bubbles
Under the sea!

I have a pet theory, one that I dreamed up during moments of great reflection –usually while sitting on the toilet or waiting for traffic lights to change.  My theory is that this world is the spiritual equivalent of a rock tumbler.  The rough, jagged gemstones are new souls: immature, wild and unaware of the damage they do to others. 

Through the love and hardship of a thousand lifetimes the rough edges are worn smooth and we emerge from the other end as wiser, kinder old souls - polished gems - and we make our exit.  I haven’t gotten as far as figuring out where the stones come from or go to but if you’re looking for hints I always recommend the “Three B’s” - Bible/Bhagavad Gita/Battlefield Earth.

The reason I mention this is because I recently moved apartments and with the hassle involved in moving this middle-class circus from one fairground to another I have decided that in my next life I want to be a Hermit Crab. 

Interview: Committing 'Curious Crimes'

This is the third and final interview I conducted for the Victoria-based music website What's Up Victoria!  

2009 was a big year for the Sunday Buckets – the Victoria-based funk rock band released their debut album, In Case You Hear This, were subsequently chosen by local radio station The Zone 91.3 FM as October’s “Band of the Month” and played a number of gigs around the city to promote the new release.  Now the band - brothers Kale & Jarrett Penny, Eric Frazer, Nick McRae, Chris Taylor & Adam Sutherland - are readying their second album, Curious Crimes, for its debut at Sugar Nightclub on Sunday, May 22. 

Curious Crimes, produced by former Armchair Cynics guitarist Adam Sutherland, was recorded in early 2010 but had its release postponed.  One reason for the delay, Jarrett explains, was that the group needed more time to promote their first album – no easy task in a market dominated by major labels.  Kale jokes, “We called the first album In Case You Hear This for a reason.”  Another reason came when the group parted ways with drummer Spencer Moyes: “We lost [Spencer] shortly after recording [Curious Crimes],” says Kale.  “He...decided to go in a different direction.”  Sutherland took Moyes’ spot behind the kit and though the group is actively seeking a drummer they’re in no hurry to see him go.

Of their sophomore release, Jarrett says “[Curious Crimes] is about being in your early 20s and...having a little too much fun every now and again.”  The brothers estimate that about half of the new material was written at the same time as In Case You Hear This, but say that as the band’s identity emerged the album began to evolve.  “The themes became more concrete,” says Kale.  “We had an idea of what we wanted to sound like and what kind of music we wanted to play.” 

When asked about their musical influences, Kale laughs and says, “I’m addicted to Kanye West right now, which is a bit embarrassing.”  “When we were writing [Curious Crimes] it was all Kings of Leon,” Jarrett says, “but lately we’ve been influenced by...local bands like Said the Whale and Aiden Knight.”

Curious Crimes comes out on Sunday, May 22 with a CD release party at Sugar Nightclub.  “We’re really excited,” says Jarrett.  “Opening for us is a band called Carmanah.  We saw them at Song & Surf up in Port Renfrew...they’re awesome.”  DJs Nigel, Tedder & Primitive will also be on hand, with Gordon Blunt, of Bluntfaktory, handling visuals: “When you walk into Sugar it’s not going to look like Sugar,” says Jarrett.  “It’ll look like our place for the night.”

The group is hoping that the new album will provoke a response from the music community and open doors into larger markets.  In the meantime they are looking forward to playing the Tall Trees Music Festival in Port Renfrew, where island favourites Jets Overhead and Vince Vaccaro will be headlining. 

As far as a follow-up to Crimes the band is in no rush.  “We’ll take our time writing this next one,” says Kale.  “Not to say it will be about being in your early 30s.”


Official website for the Sunday Buckets

Interview: Girls Like the Guitar

This is the second of three interviews I conducted for the Victoria-based music website What's Up Victoria!  The site has gone offline so I'm posting the interviews here..

Like so many people with natural talent Winnipeg native John Bakowski makes it all sound easy:  “I just picked up the guitar when I was fifteen-sixteen....I was bored on a Saturday.”  After four years of practicing 2-3 hours a day Bakowski makes it look easy too - when I first saw him outside Victoria’s Bedford Regency Hotel he was playing the Counting Crows’ “Mrs. Jones”, complete with vocals, and hitting every note.

Bakowski has been in Victoria six years and has been busking for the last two, playing covers of rock favourites to passersby.  This year he plans on upgrading from his spot on Government Street:  “I just applied for my Inner Harbour license...[I’m hoping] to find out soon,” he says.  John smiles nervously then, the only sign of uncertainty I see from the laid-back 20-year-old. 

When he’s not playing “Hotel California” to eager tourists Bakowski works part-time in a local eatery.  Like many young musicians he wants to break into the industry and play music full-time: “I’m the kind of person who wants to be on everyone’s T.V., in everyone’s house....and” he says, a mischievous grin on his face, “girls like the guitar.” 

This is all too apparent when partway into “House of the Rising Sun” a pretty young blonde in yoga pants joins in.   She doesn’t know all the words but then, when you look like that, you don’t need to.  After the song she trades smiles with John then walks away and turning to me he says humbly, “I think that had more to do with you taking pictures.”  The hell it did. 

A smile and a guitar go a long way in this world and as I take my leave of John, just as he launches into a tastefully edited version of Sublime’s “What I Got”, I can’t help but envy him just a little bit.  

Interview: Now You See It...

This is the first of three interviews I conducted for the Victoria-based music website What's Up Victoria!  The site has gone offline so I'll be posting the interviews here..

Jordan Blaikie, better known as Jordano the Great, has been working his magic on Victoria's Inner Harbour for eight years now. A former Ashtanga yoga instructor and lapsed devotee of the raw food diet, Blaikie has always had a fondness for the mystical arts.  “As a kid...I saw David Copperfield on TV and I was amazed,” he says.  “Any magic show that was on I couldn’t wait to see.”

One of five children born to a Brentwood-based chiropractor, Blaikie, 31, was born in Ontario but spent his formative years in the state of California.  In addition to being “Jordano the Great” Blaikie also writes articles online under the name “Liver Flush Man”, giving tips on how to do exactly that.  “I’m...a liver flush expert,” he says, “I’ve done over 120 of them in a 2 year period.”

Blaikie was the second among his siblings to find themselves in the business of illusion.  “[My] older sister... got into magic quite a while back,” he says.  “She took classes from Tony Eng.”  Eng, who died of cancer in 2008, was the owner of local Tony’s Trick & Joke Shop (now Murray’s) and a legend in the North American magician community.  After Jordan’s sister put down the wand for good she passed the tricks and knowledge she had learned from Eng onto Jordan and he took them to the Inner Harbour. 

“Being on the street like that...makes you a good magician,” says Blaikie. “If you’re practicing at home ...that’s good too but nothing beats a live audience.”  His act includes magical standards like coin tricks along with ventures into new territory such as “Black Light Magic”, something Blaikie claims is new to the magic world.  Gesturing to his table he says, “This is all made with fluorescents...they glow under black light.” Recently he began demonstrating his skills at the Sunset Room, Victoria’s after-hours rave venue.  “You have got to be that much better,” he says.  “If you flash anything...it glows in the black light...and [audiences] see it.”

 

As he launches into his grand finale, a complex version of the classic Cups & Balls routine, or shell game, Jordano the Great tells me to keep my eye on the ball.  My eyes struggle to keep up with the shuffling cups until finally he comes to a halt and invites me to point out where I think the ball ended up.   I, of course, choose the wrong one, and that pleases him no end.  “Every magician wants to trick people,” he says.  “They just don’t want to get caught.”


Check out Jordano's website, Tricky Magic Productions.

You're a Champion, Eagle-Eye

Two cooks, a thief.  Not pictured:  his wife, her lover.

For those of you new to the site Largely the Truth was nominated for "Best Blog" & "Funniest Tweet" in the inaugural West Coast Social Media Awards.  The awards dinner was just over a week ago and wouldn't you know, out of 18 nominees Largely the Truth placed in the top 5 for Best Blog.  That's no small thing when your website consists of one guy shoehorning dick jokes into restaurant reviews.

As for Funniest Tweet?  See above, baby.  At first I was chagrined by the fact that my reviews & articles take hours to write yet I won an award for jokes that I cast off like cigarette butts, but then I remembered the words of my mother:  "Shut up and say thank you!"

So thank you very much to everyone who voted!

Oh, and the winning "tweet"?


"It's like The Omega Man out here except instead of vampires I keep running into feral packs of douchebags."


If you're on the Twitter you can follow me by clicking here

Now let's get back to work.  Any new restaurants I should be visiting?

In Pictures: Sprawlapalooza, or That Time I Agreed With the Man in the Hemp Trousers

Reading is for suckers.  Click the video below to have the article read to you in my dulcet tones:

What is it that makes Victoria so special?  It could be any number of things I suppose: a mild climate, clean streets, or the Mr. Magoo-like way city hall overlooks the thriving sex and drug trades while fussing over how new downtown liquor licenses will affect public morality.  Perhaps it’s the way so many talented people nod knowingly when the discussion turns to the job market and how it’s harder to get into than Doris Day’s business back when the getting was good.  Or the heartstring-tugging way they wave goodbye, like kids on the way to a weekend at their mother’s, when’ve run out of money and steam and they light out for points east, taking all their enthusiasm and creativity with them.