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| Photo by Florian, licensed through Creative Commons |
The
first time I flew with to London via British Airways it was out of spite; on a
previous trip Air Canada had switched my booking from a flight that had
seat-back televisions to a flight that did not.
That may sound childish to you but since I enjoy flying about as much as
I do being punched in the groin, taking away my only distraction from the fact I’m
sitting in a chair in the sky was tantamount to a declaration of war.
Switching to British Airways was just about the best travel-related decision I've made - the planes have seat back televisions, the on-board staff doesn't fly about the cabin with murder in their eyes and if you know where to look there are seats on the plane that offer more leg and elbow room at no
additional cost (more on that later).
What’s
more, flying to England with British Airways gets you a look at Heathrow
Airport’s newest addition, the very swish, BA-only Terminal 5. T5’s opening in 2008 was a failure of epic proportions, complete with lost luggage and canceled flights, but now it’s a sexy, well-oiled example of fine British engineering. Like Lucy Pinder.
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| I'm sorry, you were saying? |
Fares:
Fares
listed below are in Canadian dollars and represent the cheapest fares available
for low & high season as of this writing. These prices should be
considered a baseline only as there are endless variations possible, including
the day of travel, any holidays that happen to be taking place during your
travel period, etc.
For
those of you traveling from the New York City area, note that BA flies out of
both JFK & Newark with little to no price variation between the two.
These
prices exclude optional fees for upgrade to World Traveller Plus, additional
baggage or exit row seating, covered below.
Remember that you will fly the class you have paid for - upgrades are a lie, like eternal happiness and the bulge in David Hasselhoff's shorts.
Remember that you will fly the class you have paid for - upgrades are a lie, like eternal happiness and the bulge in David Hasselhoff's shorts.
From
|
Length
|
Low/High Season
|
Chicago (ORD)
|
7h30m-9h
|
$1010/1350
|
Los Angeles (LAX)
|
11h-11h30m
|
$985/1400
|
New York (JFK/LGA)
|
6h40m-7h20m
|
$900/1220
|
Toronto (YYZ)
|
7-8h
|
$870/1330
|
Vancouver (YVR)
|
9-10h
|
$1030/1500
|
The cost
of upgrading to World Traveller Plus varies by point of departure but you can
expect to pay around $1,000 for the return trip. That gets you a more comfortable seat in a
separate section of the aircraft, an in-seat power outlet (as opposed to the
hoi polloi in back who have to share) and a choice of meals from the Club World
(business class) menu.
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| A boy can dream |
Traveling
first class on British Airways from New York to London Heathrow costs $14, 800
dollars for the return trip and cannot possibly be worth it unless Christine
Hendricks is on board giving backrubs.
Baggage:
The
baggage allowance for British Airways’ economy class is your standard, “One
piece of luggage at a maximum of 51lbs”, affair, so you’ll have plenty of room
for the tin cup and inventory of #2 pencils you’ll need to start your busking
career.
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| "You were planning to stay how long?" |
For the record, don’t actually try
to pull that – I know someone who did and barely made it off the plane at
Heathrow before the U.K. Border Agency shipped her ass back home.
The fee for additional baggage in economy
class differs depending on whether it’s paid in advance, coming in at $51 if
you pay online prior to departure and $60 if you pay at the airport.
Passengers
in World Traveller Plus are permitted two bags at a maximum of 51lbs each with
a charge of $119/140 (in advance/at airport) for each additional bag.
The
bastards in Club World and First Class are permitted three pieces of checked
luggage at a maximum of 70lbs apiece, for which British Airways says it “will waive
the heavy bag charge”. This is helpful
to old money who like to vacation in the sorts of places where waiters can make
change for bars of gold with swastikas imprinted on them.
All
passenger classes are permitted one carry-on bag in addition to a laptop bag,
briefcase or handbag.
Seating:
To
remind economy passengers of their place in the social order they are marched
past not one but two seating sections more luxurious than their own. The walk serves a purpose even for those who
have upgraded to World Traveller Plus – passing through the cushy Club World
cabin says to them, in truly British fashion, “Yes, you have money, but not
enough to Matter.”
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| Ok, first class probably doesn't look like this. |
As for
the First Class cabin, it has its own entrance at the front of the plane so the
laity may not cast their common gaze upon the esteemed lizardmen of the
Illuminati.
The
economy seats on British Airways flights have always been good to me – they’re
not La-Z-Boys but neither are they the hard plastic torture devices used aboard
Air Transat. Exit row seating is priced at $75 per person each way and is a
great investment if you need more legroom or don’t feel like spending 9 hours
staring at the back of someone's head.
Here’s a
tip for those of you that want more elbow room - seats on BA flights are
usually ordered in three rows of three but at the back of the plan on either
side there are usually 2-3 rows of two seats.
There’s no charge for selecting these seats and they have a little bit
of extra leg room, making them a kind of budget exit-row. These seats fill up quickly so book early
when possible.
Food:
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| Hello, breakfast. Photo by Rowena of Rubber Slippers in Italy, licensed through Creative Commons |
My
advice for eating on BA flights is exactly the opposite of what I said about
eating on Air Canada flights – the standard meals are surprisingly edible and
the kosher and halal options are to be avoided at all costs unless you’re
worried about upsetting your imaginary friend in the sky. That’s not to say the standard meals are
good, exactly, just that they’re better than what you get aboard Air
Canada. As for the other options, I’ve
only tried the kosher meal but it was bad enough that you should steer clear
unless you are certain Yahweh exists and is going to pound his fist up your
backside should you step wrong.
While
you’re fighting off heartburn, in first class Jay-Z and the manager of his
hedge fund choose from a number of meal options served, according to the BA
site “...formally on an exquisitely dressed table with crisp white linen and
fine bone china...” They also have the
option of afternoon tea, complete with cakes and tiny sandwiches. Your meals will taste considerably better if
you try not to think about this.
Tea,
coffee, juice and bar service are gratis throughout the flight for all classes.
Final thought:
The British
like to gripe about BA but before you let that convince you to fly another airline,
remember that complaining is an integral part of U.K. culture and not to be
taken too seriously. That’s not a dig at
the English – I’d grouse too if in the span of 100 years I went from ruling
half the civilized world to producing the Family Beckham and The Only Way is Essex.
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| This is the way the world ends |
As far
as intercontinental travel goes, British Airways has never steered me wrong –
my flights have always been on time, have never crashed into
mountains/buildings/oceans and most importantly, have always had seatback televisions.
If you’re going to sit in a chair in the sky, trust in the British - you’ll pay
a few dollars more but it’s worth every penny.
Check back next Wednesday for the word on freighter cruises.
Part 5: Getting There - British Airways
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