The Office Lounge | 759 Yates Street | Victoria

It's been two years since I was beaten by schnitzel. The scene was a small, crowded bar in Cologne, Germany. I had been in town a few days visiting a friend when we were invited out for dinner and drinks. As we made our way there my friend explained that the bar we were headed to was a much-loved local, known for its convivial atmosphere and generous portions of schnitzel. Until that night I'd been completely unaware of the German capacity for understatement. Surely you've heard of the Goliath Bird Eating Spider? It's a venomous, burrowing, arachnid that lives in Venezuela, Suriname, and other humid places I intend never to visit. It grows to 10-12" in diameter and uses both venom and fear to paralyze prey.  It is the most terrifying creature on planet Earth and the schnitzel I was served was large & merciless enough to eat it and then send pictures to the spider's family afterwards, just for laughs.

Work? I've Got Enough Bad Habits

A quick update for you, faithful reader. Recently I've contracted a condition known as "honest labor" that has thrown off my update schedule but I hope to have things back on track soon and my next review, The Office Lounge, will be up Sunday night, Monday at the latest. I'll see what I can do about divesting myself of this work habit so we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Hey Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

March is Fundrive month at CFUV 101.9 FM, campus radio station at the University of Victoria. From Democracy Now!, a social change chat show, to Aloha From Victoria, a fun tribute to Hawaiian music, CFUV broadcasts a range of volunteer-driven, community based programming and their annual Fundrive helps pay for the replacement, repair & acquisition of equipment. This year's target is $25,000 and after a two days of phone-in and web pledges they've crested $3,000. Why do I care? Because I like Hawaiian music. Why should you care? Because I like Hawaiian music. Donations can be as much or as little as you like but gifts of $25 or more get you a trip into the CFUV "Little Room of Big Prizes", with lots of CDs & other prizes available.

Best of all? Call in to pledge tomorrow at 250-721-8700 between 1 & 2, or Thursday, March 18 between 6 & 8pm and you'll get to speak to yours truly. That's right, you read my self-important ramblings on the internet, now you can listen to me droning in your ear.

Cup of Joe Cafe | #1 - 230 Menzies Street | Victoria

A close friend of mine once spent most of his time and even more of his money trying to win over the office ice queen, a tall blonde named Annette whose head was as empty as her brassiere was full.  Presents, cards & little favors, he punched all the spots on his sucker card trying to win her affections and after a series of chaste dates had gotten absolutely nowhere.  It finally ended at the office Christmas party when he found her in the stairwell frantically exchanging DNA with the copier repairman.  My friend was crushed and Annette’s explanation didn’t do anything to ease the sting:  “His name is Vincent; he has great arms AND a Mustang!  I thought you wanted me to be happy?”  For him that was the end of the office party and he left, miserable, priapic and bound for home thinking it was the end of his night too.  But then a funny thing happened to remind him of a lesson we all forget from time to time:  sometimes the things we want most have been right here all along.  Her name was Brenda and she lived two doors down.  Now and again they had run into each other in the laundry room but until this moment, when they arrived home at the same time and her smile cut through his misery and loneliness, he’d never really seen her.  Never noticed the twinkle in her blue eyes, the way she wrinkled her little nose when she laughed, or the curve of her...well, curves.  They talked until they didn’t need to anymore and my friend disappeared off the face of the earth for a while.  Once he’d come back down from the clouds he invited me out for breakfast at Cup of Joe to tell me the story, to brag more  than was strictly necessary and finally, to ask for a favor.