Saturday, March 19, 2011

That Don't Make It Junk - Freecycling & You

The world has finite resources.   I know this because for the last decade Al Gore & Michael Moore have been living in my television making frantic, bearded love while David Suzuki teaches them about “the nature of things”. 

I know because of the lingering sense of guilt I feel every time I drive the car to work or throw away an empty jar of peanut butter rather than take the time to wash and toss it in the blue bin.  I know that every time I throw away a Cola can a village in the Congo is burned to the ground while white hunters chase aluminum wildebeests through the embers, taking their hide for foil wrap and their organs for pie plates.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Why You're Still Single (For the Guys)

It’s been two weeks since I posted “Largely the Truth…about Why You’re Still Single (For the Ladies)".   While a few readers have weighed in via e-mail with comments that range from “That was sexist” to “You’re a big jerk” to “Sleep with one eye open” (thanks, mom), I’ve paid them little heed.  I have been too busy having rose petals thrown at my feet and throngs of adoring women shyly asking if they can touch my biceps (you may).  Having brought harmony to the fairer sex it is time that I spread the fairy dust of my wisdom to Mars and usher in a new age of understanding between the sexes – the Age of Brenquarius.

What follows is Largely the Truth…about Why You’re Still Single (For the Guys):